topicalhuman.com

Dave Winer writes an interesting piece, at least partly inspired by his involvement at the recent BlogHer event, which touches on some of the issues surrounding the misunderstandings men and women have about each other.

I would like in particular to briefly follow on from a point Dave makes while describing himself: I’m 75 percent gentleman and 25 percent Neanderthal.

This resonated with me, because I can relate to that. As Dave didn’t offer a deep explanation of exactly what he meant, I’m going to assume that how I identified with that statement is what Dave meant. It may not be what he meant, but that doesn’t really matter.

I can relate to that because I think I’m a well-behaved, curious, intelligent guy who enjoys few things better than a good conversation with good company (this is the gentleman part). However, I love watching football, drinking beer and not having to care who I offend with my farting and belching (this is the Neanderthal part). Obviously, the paralells can, and do, run much deeper than these examples.

I think that most guys I know are pretty similar to this. What I find interesting is that I think that most women like men who are this way. I know many people might find this ridiculous, but when I look at some of the most happily married people I know, the man is never some super hero find of guy - he is often just a regular guy like me. And this dynamic isn’t just confined to marriage - it happens everywhere I see productive relationships between men and women.

There are a few possible reasons for this, such as men and women actually enjoy the differences in each other (at least some of them), and that there are practical advantages in a man being a Gentleman/Neanderthal.

Perhaps where problems arise between men and women is that the expectation of which type of behaviour is going to present itself is often wrong. It is wrong because something like this cannot be easily predicted, even by men. I think that what happens is that the ‘Gentleman’ and ‘Neanderthal’ don’t always present themselves when women want them to.

That isn’t to say that men can’t try to please the women in their lives, but as humans beings, thinking about people other than ourselves doesn’t always come easily to any of us. Ultimately, I think men and women have far more in common with each other than popular thought admits. But the differences are what make men and women better together, and also what causes the friction. Unsolvable? Probably…thoughts welcome.